Best email message intro...HONEST!

I really appreciated this message because it showed he actually READ my profile so I responded with a big thank you for making me laugh:

"So, megininthemiddle, you are looking for a stand-up guy. Have you tried the comedy clubs?"

Best new email message award goes to...

I'll be honest: there were some good ones this week...

How's this for a get to know you message: 'hi' ... Yes that's all. No caps or punctuation and only one word, 'hi'. Very imaginative.

But I had to give the honor to this guy...

"ur hot u look nice and sweet iam a good cook ia sweet fun nice honest guy"

Without punctuation or caps, you can read this in several different ways. A little Yoda moment "Sweet I am..."

Unreal!

A post from The Daily Love.

I could read the following post from The Daily Love over and over. How we choose to see any situation will ultimately affect the outcome...

http://thedailylove.com/what-are-you-creating-for-yourself-today-adventure-or-tragedy/

Get out of town! What is it about a new place that brings me out of my funk?

I have been experiencing a lack in confidence lately. I got so fed up with the dating pool that I decided to take a break. After a couple of months I wanted to get back in the game. So why am I having such a hard time?

Everything in me tells me that I’m ready to put myself out there again. I’m ready to take a risk. But my confidence is still lacking. I’m still disappointed with the dating opportunities I have had recently.

Over my “break” I have gone on a few trips outside of Utah. It was so refreshing to be in a new place with new people, my confidence seemed to return.

Boise, ID: I love the night life! Although it reminds me a lot of Salt Lake City (without the beautiful Wasatch Mountains), I felt that, especially downtown, there was so much to see and do. And THE MEN! I saw a lot of attractive men! While I was there, I felt more aware of myself and the opposite sex.

Anaheim/Brea, CA: While I would never want to deal with the traffic, or the fact that it takes hours to get out of town, I see similarities in me and the people I’ve met. My parents are originally from Southern California, so when I go back, I feel like they are my people.

Palm Springs, CA: Well, I don’t necessarily feel like I fit in really well there or that I'd have any more dating success, IT IS JUST BEAUTIFUL! I haven’t been so relaxed in years!

Sadly, as soon as I get back to Utah, the confidence I built up disappeares yet again.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Utah. I grew up here. My family is here. But there seems to be a dark cloud looming over me when it comes to dating. Is it my own perception? Probably. If you’re not optimistic, good things won’t head your way.

I have a plan to combat my dating blues. As much as I would love to spend as much time as possible outside of Utah, it is not ideal. I HAVE to step outside of my comfort zone. I need to look for things to do that are different than what I’ve been doing. I need to find a way to lift the cloud and find the sunlight! I need to find a way to feel like I do when I’m out of town.

Have any suggestions? Gulp!

Best username of the week goes to...

Hottie4uplay

I honestly don't know what this guy is trying to say with this username; but if he's referring to himself as a "hottie" something's definitely wrong with him.

Body Parts

I recently listened to X96 Radio from Hell’s Painful Circle with Sister Dottie S. Dixon. She was giving advice to a young woman who had recently started dating someone new, but was second-guessing her relationship. I really appreciated what Sister Dottie had to say and decided to make it the topic of my new blog post.

She explained that attraction is dictated by 4 distinct areas of the body: the head, the heart, the gut, and the groin. The body parts breakdown like this:

The head is your intellect, rationality;

The heart is your emotions;

The gut is your intuition;

Last, but certainly not least, the groin is your sex-drive.

The tricky part, according to Sister Dottie, is keeping the balance between the body parts. The best sort of attraction is where all these body parts are coordinated with each other. Sister Dottie’s suggestion to the young woman was to listen to her gut, don’t let her head take over, and stay balanced.

My take on it: I have been in relationships that were overpowered by the groin, while my head and gut were screaming in agony, saying something wasn’t right. More often than not, I have tried to fool my body parts into accepting bad behavior, coming up with all sorts of excuses as to why to stay.

I’ve also been in relationships where everything looks perfect on paper, but my gut keeps telling me something is wrong or my groin just isn’t reacting and the sexual attraction just isn’t there.

I think that as I’ve grown older, I have begun to keep the balance and listen to what my head, heart, gut and groin are telling me.

I think that anyone who has been single for any length of time has experienced the imbalance. Here is totally hypothetical example:

You meet someone that immediately stimulates your mind. During a short conversation, you recognize the intellectual attraction almost immediately. Next, you really look at him or her, and your groin reacts with a “Hellllllllllllo there!”, so you realize (from your own perspective) that there is some sexual attraction. Even though your heart and/or gut might be questioning what to do in this situation, you listen to your head or your groin.

So if your head wins, you may not pursue anything further with him or her. If your groin wins, you may get some action (if it’s mutual, of course). But what then? If your body parts are imbalanced, maybe nothing.

What if your attraction spreads to your gut and/or your heart? Then you may be more balanced than you think.

Overall, I think the most important thing you can remember is that if you don’t share what you are feeling with these body parts, you may never grasp how their body parts are feeling. And ALWAYS listen to those parts of yourself and make choices that are best for you.

Want to learn more about Sister Dottie? Visit sisterdottie.com

Great Profile Headline...Too good not to share...

"not looking for drana"... yes "drana"...

Hilarious? Sad? A little bit of both!

The best username of the week goes to...

Flakeeone.

Either this guy has no follow through or he needs to change his shampoo. Um, DELETE.

What I Want

I just had a birthday and it got me thinking about what I want in a partner. I came up with quite a long list. Am I asking too much?!

·       Someone who prioritizes time with me.

·       Someone who makes me laugh.

·       Someone who likes to help me and likes to receive my help.

·       Loves animals.

·       Thoughtful and pays attention.

·       Has follow-through.

·       Takes care of himself – exercises, eats right, is healthy physically, mentally, emotionally.

·       Has hair on his head. Facial hair is a plus.

·       Wants kids.

·       No serious addictions.

·       Someone who ACTIVELY pursues me. Don’t leave me guessing your intentions.

·       Is educated. College grad preferred.

·       Love the outdoors; hiking, camping, etc.

·       Someone who will take me to the airport, help me with my bags; will pick me up and be happy to see me and miss me while we’re apart.

·       Doesn’t use drugs.

·       Is not too clingy. Enjoys quality time with me, but is okay with not always being together.

·       Makes enough money to support himself with a little extra spending money for fun.

·       Likes to travel.

·       Someone who is “in the middle” with me.

·       Someone who accepts me the way that I am.

·       Someone with a similar communication style.

·       Takes care of his responsibilities but also is spontaneous and adventurous.

·       Likes to cook.

·       Can drive a manual transmission car.

·       Has an inner confidence, subtle but there.

·       Loves music.

·       Understanding – Not quick to judge me or my family.

·       Someone who fits me physically, next to me and intimately.

A girl can dream!

Reminds me of one of my favorite Joni Mitchell songs: All I Want. Amazing...

I am on a lonely road and I am traveling
Traveling, traveling, traveling
Looking for something, what can it be
Oh I hate you some, I hate you some, I love you some
Oh I love you when I forget about me

I want to be strong I want to laugh along
I want to belong to the living
Alive, alive, I want to get up and jive
I want to wreck my stockings in some juke box dive
Do you want - do you want - do you want to dance with me baby
Do you want to take a chance
On maybe finding some sweet romance with me baby
Well, come on

All I really really want our love to do
Is to bring out the best in me and in you too
All I really really want our love to do
Is to bring out the best in me and in you
I want to talk to you, I want to shampoo you
I want to renew you again and again
Applause, applause - Life is our cause
When I think of your kisses my mind see-saws
Do you see - do you see - do you see how you hurt me baby
So I hurt you too
Then we both get so blue.

I am on a lonely road and I am traveling
Looking for the key to set me free
Oh the jealousy, the greed is the unraveling
It's the unraveling
And it undoes all the joy that could be
I want to have fun, I want to shine like the sun
I want to be the one that you want to see
I want to knit you a sweater
Want to write you a love letter
I want to make you feel better
I want to make you feel free
I want to make you feel free

1970 Joni Mitchell

We Date Who We Are, The Daily Love

I loved this post. My favorite quote from Mastin: "Please yourself first then you will attract someone who is pleased with you."

http://myemail.constantcontact.com/-TDL-10-03-11-We-Date-Who-We-Are-.html?soid=1102133175336&aid=a-o2Ga_5plw

Disclaimer

I'm always discussing the two extremes I see living in Salt Lake City. I want my readers to know that I don't think either of those extremes are wrong in any way. They just don't fit me. I started this blog to let others know that there are others like us who reside somewhere in the middle.

I have spent time in both extremes; my party animal phase (which turns up from time to time) and my religious phase (although in my case it's Catholic).

I have friends from all sides.

Douchy Phone Behavior

The following is a list douchy phone behaviors to avoid when he enters into a new relationship:

1. Saving panty pictures from an ex.
2. Saving your sexy response to said pictures from ex.
3. Using a picture of your shirtless self as your lock screen or wallpaper.
4. Saving deep conversations between you and your last girlfriend.
5. A special ringtone for that special girl.
6. Booty calls/texts when the new girl is sleeping over.
7. Your match.com profile app logged in.
8. A text from another woman thanking you for dinner and meeting her parents. True story.
9. Referring to another woman by the same pet names that he calls you. Sweetie, Baby, Surfer Girl, WTF?
10. Sending the same picture of yourself to multiple girls you are 'dating'.

It is amazing what people use their phones for. All of the above came from real experiences.

Best username of the week goes to...

Jacuzziman

Are you trying to impress me or do you clean or sell jacuzzis for a living??

A Salt Lake City Single Woman’s List of Things That Must Go

When someone looks at you like there’s something wrong with you after you tell them that you are not married. I’m only 30 and it is perfectly acceptable that I’m not married!

Guys who use the f-word as an adjective.

The phrase “Nice guys finish last.” Advice for “nice guys”: Quit pursuing drama queens! P.S. This leads to nice gals finishing last too.

When a guy sends shirtless pictures of himself taken in the bathroom mirror to a GROUP of phone numbers.

Dates at Chuck-A-Rama, Golden Corral, or the like.

The Man-child. If you are over the age of 25 (and arguably before) you should NOT have a beer tower in the middle of your living room! **Slam to a guy I used to date**

Guys who can’t stop talking about their motorcycle or car. Doesn’t impress me at all.

When a date says “My ex was crazy!” I think this is more telling of the date than the ex.

When a new ex says “There are so many guys lining up to date you!” or “Don’t worry, you’ll find someone.” These are things only my girlfriends can tell me. From you, it’s just insulting.

Unrequested penis pictures.

Guys who show up for a date without showering first. After working on cars all day. Did I mention this was a blind date?

When an ex (who has seen you naked) says “Wow! You look like you’ve lost weight!” What are you trying to say about how I looked before?!

By the way, all came from real experiences of several single women in Salt Lake City.

Thanks to my amazing single girlfriends (Erin and Heather) for contributing!

-Meg in the Middle

Best username of the week goes to...

Mr_3_legged

Man, this guy's ego is GIGANTIC!

Thanks to Gen for pointing out this fine specimen.

Bst username of the week goes to...

FastestBeardInTheWest

I actually just think this is very witty. Oh and I love beardies ;-)

Stuck in the middle: How’d I get here?

When I look back on my life, I wonder how I ended up “stuck in the middle” and here is what I think happened:

I grew up in a very conservative LDS neighborhood, only I was Catholic. Not only was I the kid that was “going to hell” (thanks to all of you classmates that told me this *sarcasm*), but I was also “the girl with the crazy brother.”

Believe it or not, I was very religious in elementary and junior high school, unbeknownst to my classmates. I went to Catechism (Sunday school for the lay folks) and Mass every week; said my prayers every night; was baptized, received communion, and went through confirmation solidifying my place in the Catholic Church.

Although I had, and continue to have, a strong faith in something more than myself, I was still different than just about every other kid at school. Toward the end of my junior high experience, my brother’s rebellion had gotten worse. Not only was he “crazy” but he was also a “druggie.”

Somewhere along the road, I found myself identifying more with the outcasts than I did with those who were religious. They never told me I was a bad person or that I was not going to heaven or that my parents were wrong for voting for a democrat (true story). I wanted to stand up for “my people” because I have always known that despite their differences, they were still basically good.

In my late teens and early twenties I rebelled a little bit: hung out with the “wrong” crowd; made some poor decisions; learned a lot about myself and what I wanted out of life. Don’t get any crazy ideas: I still did exceptionally well in high school, never got into any trouble, even started college.

My rebellious phase lasted a few years, I had a lot of fun taking road trips to concerts, going on hiking/camping trips with very little supplies, staying up all night… My friends were accepting of me and I was accepting of them. But as time went on I realized that they weren’t growing or changing much. They seemed to be content with where they were in life.

As much as I loved them, I realized I wanted to learn and grow, so I made a conscious decision to change my own life even if it meant putting a strain on those friendships. I even tried to convince them to come along: try college, find a career, challenge yourself.

So who do I identify with now that I’m all grown up? I still find myself drawn to that end of the spectrum. But I am also better at recognizing my patterns and I know what healthy relationships look like. I will always be the first one to stand up for someone who is facing persecution no matter where they are on the spectrum.

Meanwhile, I am continuing to find all sorts of people that fall in the middle with me. I have an amazing group of educated, funny, and caring friends. When I think old friends, I miss them. I remember the laughter and the good times and I grieve for the friends that are no longer in this world.

Rest in Peace

Best username of the week goes to...

MagicMasterMike

Think he's a master magician?! I highly doubt it...

The self-proclaimed jerk.

As you may know, I became a member of E Harmony last year as a favor to a friend who needed an "E Harmony Buddy". I had a few experiences that I was hesitant to write about...until now.

Let me start by saying that I'm not sure online dating is right for me. It takes a lot of time, and there is nothing organic about meeting someone online. That being said, I did get some free meals, some interesting conversation, and some great subject matter for this blog!

The self-proclaimed jerk was one such experience. If you are familiar with E Harmony you know that you first go through "guided" communication. This starts with multiple choice questions, must haves/can't stands, and open-ended questions. Let's call this particular match Austin.

Austin first contacted me. I combed my way through his profile, looking for red flags. He seemed pretty down-to-earth, loved the outdoors, handsome... We made it through all levels of guided communication and I still wanted more!

Then we exchanged a few emails and our communication had some substance. As I almost always do, I set up a coffee meet-and-greet. First impression: he's not as tall as he said he was, good teeth/hair, seems a bit shy. We got our lattes, talked about ourselves (he seemed to have a lot less to say), things seem to feel pretty comfortable.

How'd I feel when we said goodbye? I was certainly looking forward to spending more time with him and getting to know him better.

As I look back on the conversation we had, only one thing stands out. He mentioned that he had met a couple of women in person from his online dating experience and while the initial dates seemed to go well, they had fizzled out very quickly.

A couple of days later he sent me a text, asking me to meet him at a concert at a local club. I was hesitant. The club scene is not a good place to get to know someone early on, especially when alcohol is involved. Since I knew that some of my friends would be there, I ignored my better judgment and met up with him.

It was too loud to talk, he was with his friends, I was with mine... He made an effort to check in with me for the first hour or so. Then I started wondering what might have happened to him so I went looking.

There he was, obviously intoxicated, getting very friendly with a petite blonde. Obviously this was occurring in a very early stage of what we may/may not have together. I didn't think too much about it. I had a great time with my friends and stayed until the end of the concert.

As people shuffled out of the cramped space, I couldn't see him anywhere. "Must have left already." I drove home and as I was getting into bed, I got a text from Austin. It said "I'm sorry, I'm a drunk ass."

Over the next couple of months, Austin would text periodically, usually in the afternoon, wondering if I would like to head over to his house later to hang out. No planning, no more emails with substance. Just short texts.

Fast forward another couple of months without any conversation, text or otherwise. Then suddenly there he was again. This text read "I know I'm a jerk, but do you want to talk anyway?"

Now, when I was younger I might have fallen right into this trap. "Oh no! You're not a jerk! Of course, I'll give you another chance!" But I'm not so young and naive anymore. I didn't respond right away; I needed to ponder my reaction to his message.

It didn't take me long to realize what I needed to say. The next morning, I had my response: "A self-proclaimed jerk, huh? I don't think I have time for jerks."

So, did he respond? What do you think?! Nope. I felt empowered after I sent that text. I felt like such a grown-up!

It has been several months since I sent that awesome comeback text and I have only received one text from Austin since (just a couple of weeks ago). What did it say? "I've been thinking about you alot lately... I would love to get together with you! Wanna ? ? ?"

I didn't even bother to respond. This very generic text with terrible spelling and punctuation; he was obviously casting his line to see what he could catch and I'm not playing that game!

The moral of the story: If a man calls himself a jerk, don’t argue with him. He knows himself much better than you know him. Don’t take the bait, don’t fall into the trap. If his communication practically stops but he still wants to “hang out” he’s a jerk and doesn’t deserve the time of day!

Best username of the week goes to...

DigitalBath79

Um, I really don't have anything to say about this. It's just strange.

You know you are a cougar if...

I have almost always dated younger guys. Even in high school when dating someone in a lower grade was the equivalent of dating someone 10 years younger when you are in your thirties. I even lost my virginity to a younger guy.

 

Through college and twenties was just a blur of average men of average age but then, in my early 30s I started dating those in their early 20s. Maybe i was trying to recapture the twenties I had lost in being moody, overly ridiculously responsible, self-conscious and prudish. Maybe it was because the guys my age were mostly married, gay or dealing with their past of being one of the above. Maybe I was in mature myself and looking for a little fun.

 

Regardless, it has continued into my late 30s and showing no signs of slowing down. I seem to have the most luck and have the most in common with guys 9-12 years younger. They also seem to like me, which is another thing to analyze all together.

 

So instead of trying to understand “why”, I thought I would help you identify if you too might be a cougar...or have cougar tendencies. They say you are a cougar if the guy is 1/2 your age plus 7 years, but I think this is a much more accurate scale:

 

You might be a cougar if....

• your boyfriend doesn’t get why you can’t stay out till 4am when you have to work at 8
• you and your boyfriend have the same sex drive
• you didn’t meet him at a bar because he couldn’t get into one
• when he says, “I’ll call you” you expect a voice to voice chat, he sends you a text
• you have the same amount of Skymiles as he has points at Chuck E. Cheese
• you got your drivers license when he was still using training wheels
• you meet his mom and you bond over your favorite 80s bands
• he likes to point out that the year you graduated high school, he started kindergarten
• he likes to do projects around your house because he doesn’t have one of his own
• you have 3 or more pets, he has 3 or more roommates

 

There are many advantages and disadvantages to being a cougar too but I will take the guy who is less jaded and much less likely to have 2 divorces and 3 kids, even if I have to put up with him not being able to hang out because he has a D&D game planned with his friends.

 

The loyal cougar cub, as I like to call them, admires you for your confidence, experience and strength and you can benefit from his optimism, energy and carefree life. Its really a win-win. But beware, fellow cougars, the charms of the cougar cub can run out if they stay the same as they are now when they get to be your age. They should still grow along with you and if so, you can enjoy all of those advantages in balance for years to come!

How do you like your grilled cheese?

This week I had lunch with friends, including Jane. You may remember Jane from my previous post about dating etiquette.  Lunch with the ladies is always a great opportunity to catch up on our single lives; dates we’ve been on, realizations we’ve had about ourselves… So as soon as we get in the car the conversation begins. This time around, it is about what type of guy we think we deserve.

As we arrive at the restaurant, Jane says “If my grilled cheese isn’t all melty should I send it back?”

My initial reaction was “It depends on how melty you like your cheese, and what if you send it back and the problem comes up again? Do you send it back again?”

To which she replied: “Hell yes! If it isn’t the way I want it why should I settle for less?!”

She brought up an interesting point, but have you ever sent your food back at a restaurant? It can be quite stressful; you may feel judged; you may worry about what they’ll do to your food. So the question is: Why not settle for what you get?

Simply put: Because it is not what you want! Obviously in this context (even though grilled cheese from this restaurant is rarely melty enough) the grilled cheese sandwich is a metaphor for the men we choose to date.

I have often thought that by choosing men who are “works-in-progress” I was accepting what I thought I deserved (subconsciously in most cases). Lately I have been focusing on dating men who are more put together and stable, with no beer towers to be found… But lately I have been catching myself questioning whether or not I am good enough for them.

It’s sad, but it’s true. If you always date “down” from your level, you can create a false sense of security in knowing you are good enough for them. But if you date “up” you may feel insecure and question whether or not you “deserve” them.

Even though I know quite logically that I deserve someone great, I still fight with my comfort level. I read an article that summed it up nicely: We date the level of our self-esteem.

The author says “The responsibility is on you to communicate your needs and to choose someone who honors you, cherishes you and loves you. If you don’t love, honor, and cherish yourself, you will settle and your needs will not get met.”

Keeping in mind that I really only have control over me, I need to accept that I can’t just change for someone else (a way of settling). I can, however, be my more authentic self. While the author reminds readers that compromise is important in any relationship, I think I certainly need to be honest with myself about what I’ll settle for and what I won’t.

So back to our grilled cheese. If you are adamant about the melty-ness, by all means, send it back. If you are not overly concerned and you love cheese no matter what the temperature, make the most of it and enjoy it.

But don’t be afraid to let go of something or someone that isn’t meeting your needs.

The article can be accessed here: http://thedailylove.com/we-date-at-the-level-of-our-self-esteem/

A big thanks to Jane for sparking the conversation!

Shakespeare said it best...

I love you with so much of my heart that none of it is left to protest.
Love is blind and lovers cannot see.
Love looks not with the eyes.
If music be the food of love, play on!
Love sought is good, but given unsought better.
O, Spirit of Love, how quick and fresh art thou.
To entertain the time with thoughts of love.
The course of true love never did run smooth.

Movie Review 'Friends with Benefits'

Out Friday, July 22nd

Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis mostly naked?! Oh boy! I was lucky enough to attend an advanced screening of the new movie ‘Friends with Benefits’. Sound familiar? You may remember a movie called ‘No Strings Attached’; same idea, but not nearly as funny.

Not only is this a hot topic in the dating world, but my friends and I are always discussing this arrangement and whether or not it can ever work.

The premise: Justin’s character is emotionally unavailable; Mila’s character is emotionally damaged. So why can’t sex be like tennis?! You play the game, shake hands, and then go your separate ways!

But as my friends have decided over and over again, it just can’t be so simple. The two main characters start as friends but when sex is introduced, things get complicated, emotions get involved, and they begin to realize how different their relationship is.

All in all, this is a typical romantic comedy (with a spoof movie within the movie where they attempt to make fun of romantic comedies, this one starring Jason Segel and Rashida Jones). Kudos to the amazing supporting cast: Richard Jenkins as Justin’s father and Jenna Elfman as his sister, the beautiful Patricia Clarkson as Mila’s free-spirited mother, and of course Woody Harrelson as Justin’s gay coworker. There is also a cameo by a famous snowboard gold medalist playing himself as a somewhat deranged friend of Mila’s.

This film was somewhat predictable, but had some twists, steamy sex scenes, and some great humor! Flash mobs, Kris Kross, and so much more, I think this movie is definitely entertaining although my expectations are never very high for romantic comedies!

So do FWBs ever work out? Woody’s character summed it up best when he said “That NEVER works!”

To let Love in...

To let Love in means be willing to lose it. To let Love in means being willing to be hurt again. To let Love in means facing the wounds and hurts from the past that will come up and having the courage to let your new awareness transform those past wounds into wisdom.

Thanks to Heathen for sharing this!

Cynical and Jaded at 30. Is it possible to be an optimist?

Sadly, I tend to consider myself cynical and jaded, although I also consider myself an optimist! Contradictory? Probably…

Cynical: Distrustful of human nature, doubting or contemptuous of human nature or the motives, goodness, or sincerity of others.

Jaded: To be conditioned against someone or something.

Optimist: One who usually expects a favorable outcome.

Is it possible to be optimistic, cynical, and jaded?! In this day and age, why not?! So what leads to hitting this point so early in life? As always, I have some theories and I LOVE to make lists!

Being cynical and jaded at an early age from a female perspective – A life cycle:

·       Being teased by mean boys as a child. I remember every boy who was mean to me from kindergarten through junior high. You know who you are!!

·       Being told repeatedly that men only want one thing and to always be aware of that fact. This message is heard well into adulthood. My dad is quick to remind me even still.

·       Two words: High School! A bunch of hormonal teenagers striving to stand out in some way. School dances (none for me, never got asked), first dates (again, none for me), first boyfriend/girlfriend (man, this is depressing). High school can be a real nightmare in the world of a teenager.

·       Life outside of high school. Optimism about the future, the world is your oyster! Dates, kisses, and boyfriends in your twenties: Oh my God, he likes me!!

·       The dating pool is getting shallower in Utah by your thirties. Boyfriends in your thirties: Oh my God, do I like him?!

·       After being in the dating pool for a while, you start to notice trends in the people you date. They’re too clingy and want to be around you too much, or maybe it is the opposite and they float in and out of your life of their own accord.  Maybe they have the emotional capabilities of a 5-year-old. I could go on and on!

You get used to relationships starting out with lots of passion and excitement, but they fizzle out quickly. You begin to believe this is normal.

You experience a relationship that started slowly and the passion and excitement continued to build as time went on. Well there must be something wrong with him! This type of relationship is not normal! My, oh my, how bass-ackwards!

I remember as a kid, my mom telling me not to allow myself to get “desensitized” to relationships and love. I’d always say “Don’t worry Momma, I won’t.” It’s funny, I think the only way to avoid becoming desensitized is by becoming a nun, getting married right out of the gate, or locking ourselves in a tower.

Sorry Mom! It happened anyway. The good thing is that I am aware of it and I am constantly reminding myself that I deserve the whole loaf of bread, not just the crumbs!

So is it possible to be cynical, jaded, AND an optimist? YES! I believe that we are constantly evolving, learning more about ourselves and others, and that in spite of our jaded cynicism, we deserve good things and we’ll recognize and hold on to those good things someday!



The Science of Sex Appeal

The Science of Sex Appeal

I saw this special on the Discovery Channel a couple of years ago, but I find myself watching segments of it online from time to time. If you haven’t watched it I would highly recommend it.

Insights include how voices, walks, symmetry, scents, and so much more affect human attraction. Segments are available to watch online at: http://dsc.discovery.com/videos/science-of-sex-appeal/ .

This week's winner for best username goes to...

GirlJunky

Thanks Erin for bringing this hot specimen to my attention ;-)

Questions that perplex me...

Socrates said that the unexamined life is not worth living. I have been known to examine things a bit too thoroughly, but I still have questions that leave me bewildered.

·       What is it about so-called “bad boys” that makes them so attractive? Is it because you never know where you stand with one? Maybe they make you feel more normal?

·       Why do people focus on the positive things in their past relationships and the negative things of current ones? Seems kind of backwards to me.

·       Why do people always want what they can’t have? But the moment they get something, they’re not sure they want it anymore. Um…I got nothin’…

·       Why are men attracted to “damsels in distress” and the drama that comes with them? Life doesn’t need to be so complicated. There should be balance in a relationship.

·       Why do men/women who have been cheated on in the past, turn around and become the “other man/woman”? Baffles me, for sure.

·       Is it really possible to be polyamorous? Or do people use it to get away with something?

·       Is there such a thing as a bisexual man or is he just gay? Could he just be gay and adventurous?

·       Why are so many men obsessed with cars and motorcycles? These things don’t appeal to me at all. A man getting a good deal on a purchase – now that’s hot!

·       Does a “friends with benefits” relationship EVER turn out well? Hell no!

·       Why do people forget all the negative things in past relationships and remember them as being great? Obviously they weren’t great or their relationship would still be going on.

Obviously, the answers to these questions are subjective and are based on individual experiences. I would be interested to hear your responses as well as other questions that perplex you.

This week's winner for best username goes to...

manlymale4u

I understand that people try to be witty but really?

DO’S AND DON’TS DURING THE FIRST MONTH OF DATING SOMEONE NEW

The following is a list of do’s and don’ts of dating someone new. Everyone is different so think about what you might put on your own list.

DON’TS

·       Be flakey. Make decisions and stick with them. Do what you say you’ll do.

·       Tell them about your desire to get married and have babies.

·       Talk about your past relationships. Have the conversation at some point but not at the beginning of a relationship.

·       Go to a bar/club with their friends. You may not like what you see, especially if ample amounts of alcohol are involved.

·       Spend too much time together. Take your time getting to know them but don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Anticipation is a good thing.

·       Make an effort to introduce your date to your parents. Make the first month about developing your relationship.

·       Go on vacation together. You may plan it and pay for plane tickets, but it might fizzle out before you get there.

·       Move in with them. Hard to believe, I know, but people do it.

·       Make excuses for bad behavior.

DO’S

·       Be creative when planning dates. Step outside of the typical dinner and a movie and try something new.

·       Have fun. It’s new and stress should be minimal.

·       Remember the first couple of dates may be awkward as you feel each other out. Give them a chance (at least two dates).

·       Meet the friends. You can learn a lot about someone by meeting their friends.

·       Allow yourself to be a bit uncomfortable. They may surprise you or you may surprise yourself.

·       Remember that your dates don’t define you. A bad date does not equal a bad person.

·       Talk/ask about sexual history and testing.

·       Enjoy the “honeymoon” phase. Live in the moment.

·       Be honest with yourself. Trust your gut.

So what's on your list?

This week's winner for best username goes to...

InterstellaFella!!!

Need I say more?!

One thing I am most passionate about...

The winner of the week is...

creativity

Why yes, you've shown your passion for creativity in your ONE WORD ANSWER!

Come on people! Put some effort into it! One word is the shortest of short answers!

2011 Summer Dating Ideas

The following is a short list I put together to help you with date planning. These are just some of the great options for 2011 summer dating in Salt Lake City:

April 7-September 9
Salt Lake Minor League Bees Baseball Game
Spring Mobile Ballpark
77 W 1300 S, Salt Lake City
(801) 325-2273

Going to a baseball game on a date is a great way to get outside. The games are usually very exciting and you can share in the highs and lows of the game while you enjoy your hotdog and beer. Seats start at $12. P.S. Make sure you ask before eating someone else's peanuts!

All Summer Long
Liberty Park Picnic and Tracy Aviary Visit
589 E 1300 S, Salt Lake City
tracyaviary.org

Have a picnic in the park then stroll over to Tracy Aviary. Tickets for the aviary are $7.

June 11-October 22
Downtown Farmers Market
Saturdays 8 a.m. - 1 p.m.
Pioneer Park
300 S 300 W, Salt Lake City
downtownslc.org

Spend a Saturday morning at the farmers market at Pioneer Park. Support locals, eat some great food, and be sure to check out the crafts.

June 17-18
Utah Foster Care Foundation's Chalk Art Festival
The Gateway
400 W South Temple, Salt Lake City
ChalkArtFestival.org

Head to the Gateway and feast your eyes on some amazing chalk art while supporting a good cause. Grab a bite to eat, and if you're up for it, play in the fountain!

June 23-26
Utah Arts Festival
Library Square
210 E 400 S, Salt Lake City
uaf.org

Spend some time looking at some amazing art, listen to live music or poetry, do some crafting. This festival really has it all. You can spend hours making your way through the festival so make sure to slather on the sunblock and drink lots of water!

June 20 & 27, July 11 & 18
Monday Night Movies
Dusk to 11 p.m.
The Gallivan Center
239 S Main, Salt Lake City
slcgov.com/publicservices/gallivan

Head down to the Gallivan Center for one of their FREE Monday night movies. Grab some takeout on your way or visit the concessions stand. They will be playing all four Indiana Jones movies in order:

• June 20 - Raiders of the Lost Ark
• June 27 - The Temple of Doom
• July 11 - The Last Crusade
• July 18 - The Kingdom of Crystal Skulls

Since just about everyone has seen these movies, you don't have to focus too hard on the movie and instead focus your attention on your date!

To sum it all up:

When dating in the summer, get out and enjoy what Salt Lake City has to offer. Find activities where you can be playful. Find things to do that are unique; show your date how creative you can be!

Is your glass half empty or half full?

Dating in Salt Lake City can hit a broad spectrum of highs and lows. I seem to experience this roller coaster on a daily basis. The key is to find out how to keep your glass half-full no matter the ups and downs you experience. This is one of my many patterns I’m working on.

Monday morning I wake up hopeful. The weekend was great. Got lots of attention from the opposite sex… Felt desired and attractive… But as Monday goes by that feeling begins to fade.

I have always believed that you truly attract people in all aspects of life based on how you feel. Although I spent the latter part of my twenties with a wall around me (figuratively speaking), my comfort level has grown as I have matured. Although my own insecurities make appearances from time to time, I feel that I am much better equipped to handle a more serious relationship.

So after my weekend I felt like my glass was full. But minute by minute as my work day goes by, my energy level, along with my memory of my great weekend, begin to fade. My glass isn’t as full anymore.

After a long day in cubicle land, I get to go home. Now, I’ll be honest and say that I believe that I do a lot more personal reflection than I suspect most people do; at least to a stronger degree. So when I have time for personal reflection, my glass continues to empty.

Where does this self reflection take me?

·       I’m ready for something real! Why won’t anyone take on the challenge of having a relationship with me?

·       If one more person says “If you stop looking you’ll meet someone” I might lose my mind!

·       What’s wrong with me?

·       I’m giving up! Screw finding love and happiness. I’m going to the nunnery!

So what can I do to fix my leaky glass?

1.     I have to stop depending on others to fill up my glass! This is easier said than done, of course.

2.     I need to be present and live in the moment. There is plenty going on today so why worry about tomorrow?

3.     I will surround myself with friends and family that love me. I will not isolate myself.

4.     I will remember “The Fool” in a tarot deck. The Fool represents playfulness; he doesn’t let the real world distract him. I will let loose, have fun, and be silly.

5.     I will remind myself of these things when I start to slip!

What ideas do you have? When you start to see the glass as half empty, how do you combat it? Please share your wisdom with me and other readers!

First Date Red Flags

The following is my list of first date red flags. All of these come from either my own experiences or the experiences of my close friends.

1.     When a date says “My ex was crazy!” This statement tells you more about your date than the ex.

2.     Men with high squeaky voices. Go ahead, call me shallow…

3.     Binge drinking.

4.     Complaining about former relationships.

5.     When a date texts and/or takes phone calls. Leave your phone in your pocket and be present for hell’s sake.

6.     When a date talks about him/herself the whole time and doesn’t ask about you.

7.     Divulging too much information too early. If you talk too much and “blow your load” so to speak, what are you going to talk about on a second date?

8.     One-upping. It IS NOT a competition to see who has the best story.

9.     When a man has a gun, knife, or other deadly weapon in his car.

10.  When you hear “You don’t look anything like your picture.”

11.  When your date uses “fuck” as an adjective in every other sentence (in his high squeaky voice)

12.  When a date mentions that he only brushes his teeth once every three days then expects you to kiss him at the end of it. Hygiene people!!

13.  Calling you a “cheap date” even if it’s related to how little money it costs to wine and dine you.

14.  Paying for a movie but then not offering to buy movie snacks.

15.  Showing up for a date without cleaning yourself up beforehand (i.e. spent the day working on cars then came straight over to meet you). Again HYGIENE!

16.  NEW ENTRY: When a date talks about a beer tower, throne, or even cube that resides in his living room.

By the way, 12 through 15 were the same guy on one single date... By far, the worst date EVER.

Book Review

Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find-And Keep-Love

By Amir Levine, M.D. and Rachel S. F. Heller, M.A.

Written by a psychiatrist and neuroscientist, Attached helps readers understand attachment styles and how they help or hinder relationships. Basically our own attachment styles have a huge influence on how we behave in relationships. According to the synopsis the attachment styles are:

·       Anxious – People who are too preoccupied with their relationships and worry about their partner’s ability to love them back.

·       Avoidant – People who believe they will lose their independence if they gain intimacy so they minimize closeness.

·       Secure – People who feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving.

By reviewing studies that were conducted at all stages of life, the authors show that our need to be close to our partner (or potential partner) is essential. Take a quiz to determine your own attachment style; then take another based on who you are currently with.

After you’ve determined you and your partner’s attachment style, the book provides helpful hints on how to make the most out of your relationships.

Historically, anxious and avoidants get together and this is trouble 95% of the time. Anxious people push for intimacy and avoidants resist. Every so often things calm down and avoidants open up a bit, but it’s a roller coaster and repeats itself over and over. The authors spend some time exploring that calmer point in a relationship and how we tend to interpret those moments as love. Anxious people continue to long for that closeness and when they get it (even for a moment) they feel content. Unfortunately it doesn’t last and they are left wanting and waiting for that feeling again.

What about those lucky people who are secure? Sadly for those of us who are single, they do not spend much time in the dating pool. After all, they are comfortable with intimacy, and don’t feel threatened or like they’ve lost their independence when in a relationship. So who is always in the dating pool? Avoidants. They tend to move from one relationship to another seeking out the perfect person (sometimes the phantom-x aka the one that “got away”).

When anxious or avoidants are paired up with a partner with a secure attachment style, their own attachment tendencies recuperate to some extent and they begin to be more comfortable.

Married to an anxious or avoidant? The book provides a chapter on how to make your relationship work. Although it is an uphill battle, if you’re determined to make it work, this will help.

This book is brilliant and I learned so much about myself and former partners. I do have a warning though: this book WILL tell you things you don’t want to hear. You’ll find yourself bargaining, trying to convince yourself that your situation is unique. The authors bring you back to reality.

After reading this book, you’ll start to recognize the attachment styles of potential partners, friends, and even more. By the way: BELLA is somewhat AVOIDANT, EDWARD is completely ANXIOUS, and sweet little JACOB is SECURE. Too funny!

To learn more, check out http://www.attachedthebook.com/.

Happy reading!

To Kiss Or Not To Kiss: Part II

Is it possible to go to a "lookout point" and not make out?! My friend "Jane" has the answer to that!

Meg: So...Did you kiss him? Did you go out with him again? My followers are dying to know!

Jane: Hellooooooooo! Yes I kissed him, but no spit was exchanged. I also had two glasses of wine, so my self control should be very impressive.

Meg: Wow! I am very proud of you!  How long did the date last? Did you do something after dinner?

Jane: He picked me up at 8:30 and I got home at 1:30.

Meg: He picked you up on a first date?! Soooo dangerous!

Jane: We went to the Porcupine, had a leisurely dinner and drinks, then went for a drive and ended up parking at some lookout point. I kind of felt like I was in high school! Haha!

Meg: Good thing he wasn't a homicidal maniac! So how is it that you went to lovers lane and you kissed him with no exchange of spit??

Jane: Self control! And avoidance! I could tell he wanted to full on make out, but I took control of the situation.

Meg: Wow! That is amazing! Was there a little Mini-Meg sitting on your shoulder?

Jane: Yep, it was the reporting pressure! And we went to a movie last night and there was still no kissing cuz I'm a coughing sickie. But there was hand holding and butt grabbing (with him doing the grabbing)… oooooh yeah!

Meg: Wow! So is there potential with this guy?

Jane: I think so! I think for the next month or two, he'll probably be in the rotation once a week cuz I'm in a place where I'm annoyed frequently and not too into dating and we're both busy. Maybe in July I will feel like dating more. But this guy is awesome, and such a catch. Hopefully he'll stick around in the rotation and wait for me.

Meg: For sure.

Jane: He told me I was the reason he signed up for “unnamed dating site” in the first place, cute huh! He got a free account and was looking around, and he saw my profile but in order to contact me he has to pay! Haha!

Meg: Nice!

The poll this week was whether or not it was appropriate to kiss on the first date. The majority of people said it is appropriate if it feels right.