Online Dating: Why I hate the first meeting.

There are lots of things that run through my head, before, during, and after a first date. These are just some of them.

Before

·       Do I look okay?

·       Will he like my curves?

·       Will he be anything like his profile?

·       What if he sees me and leaves?

·       Do I let him pay?

During

·       Am I talking too much?

·       Why is he so quiet?

·       I feel like this is a job interview.

·       Do I mention my dysfunctional family?

·       Don’t mention insecurities, don’t mention insecurities…

·       Man I shouldn’t have said that.

·       Do I let him pay?

Immediately After

·       Will I ever hear from him again?

·       Did he like me?

·       Did I like him?

·       How long should I wait to hear from him before I give up?

Three Days After

·      Why haven’t heard from him?

·       I must have really screwed it up.

·       I didn’t think that much of him anyway…Did I?

·       What’s wrong with me?

·       What’s wrong with him?

I keep thinking that the more I “practice” the art of first dates, the easier it will get. I’ve been dating for well over 10 years, and I have to be honest; it doesn’t seem to be getting even the slightest bit easier.

Of course there is always a positive side. I have found that I am a bit more desensitized when it doesn’t work out. I’m much more willing to say “There just wasn’t any spark.” The thing I’m working on now is when I do see potential in someone, I have to be patient and “ride the wave”.

As my grandmother used to say “Que sera sera…Whatever will be, will be.” I have to relax, stop jumping to conclusions, and let the chips fall where they may. But I can’t continue to fold. The risk will be worth the reward someday soon.

Best email message intro...HONEST!

I really appreciated this message because it showed he actually READ my profile so I responded with a big thank you for making me laugh:

"So, megininthemiddle, you are looking for a stand-up guy. Have you tried the comedy clubs?"

Best new email message award goes to...

I'll be honest: there were some good ones this week...

How's this for a get to know you message: 'hi' ... Yes that's all. No caps or punctuation and only one word, 'hi'. Very imaginative.

But I had to give the honor to this guy...

"ur hot u look nice and sweet iam a good cook ia sweet fun nice honest guy"

Without punctuation or caps, you can read this in several different ways. A little Yoda moment "Sweet I am..."

Unreal!

A post from The Daily Love.

I could read the following post from The Daily Love over and over. How we choose to see any situation will ultimately affect the outcome...

http://thedailylove.com/what-are-you-creating-for-yourself-today-adventure-or-tragedy/

Get out of town! What is it about a new place that brings me out of my funk?

I have been experiencing a lack in confidence lately. I got so fed up with the dating pool that I decided to take a break. After a couple of months I wanted to get back in the game. So why am I having such a hard time?

Everything in me tells me that I’m ready to put myself out there again. I’m ready to take a risk. But my confidence is still lacking. I’m still disappointed with the dating opportunities I have had recently.

Over my “break” I have gone on a few trips outside of Utah. It was so refreshing to be in a new place with new people, my confidence seemed to return.

Boise, ID: I love the night life! Although it reminds me a lot of Salt Lake City (without the beautiful Wasatch Mountains), I felt that, especially downtown, there was so much to see and do. And THE MEN! I saw a lot of attractive men! While I was there, I felt more aware of myself and the opposite sex.

Anaheim/Brea, CA: While I would never want to deal with the traffic, or the fact that it takes hours to get out of town, I see similarities in me and the people I’ve met. My parents are originally from Southern California, so when I go back, I feel like they are my people.

Palm Springs, CA: Well, I don’t necessarily feel like I fit in really well there or that I'd have any more dating success, IT IS JUST BEAUTIFUL! I haven’t been so relaxed in years!

Sadly, as soon as I get back to Utah, the confidence I built up disappeares yet again.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Utah. I grew up here. My family is here. But there seems to be a dark cloud looming over me when it comes to dating. Is it my own perception? Probably. If you’re not optimistic, good things won’t head your way.

I have a plan to combat my dating blues. As much as I would love to spend as much time as possible outside of Utah, it is not ideal. I HAVE to step outside of my comfort zone. I need to look for things to do that are different than what I’ve been doing. I need to find a way to lift the cloud and find the sunlight! I need to find a way to feel like I do when I’m out of town.

Have any suggestions? Gulp!

Best username of the week goes to...

Hottie4uplay

I honestly don't know what this guy is trying to say with this username; but if he's referring to himself as a "hottie" something's definitely wrong with him.

Body Parts

I recently listened to X96 Radio from Hell’s Painful Circle with Sister Dottie S. Dixon. She was giving advice to a young woman who had recently started dating someone new, but was second-guessing her relationship. I really appreciated what Sister Dottie had to say and decided to make it the topic of my new blog post.

She explained that attraction is dictated by 4 distinct areas of the body: the head, the heart, the gut, and the groin. The body parts breakdown like this:

The head is your intellect, rationality;

The heart is your emotions;

The gut is your intuition;

Last, but certainly not least, the groin is your sex-drive.

The tricky part, according to Sister Dottie, is keeping the balance between the body parts. The best sort of attraction is where all these body parts are coordinated with each other. Sister Dottie’s suggestion to the young woman was to listen to her gut, don’t let her head take over, and stay balanced.

My take on it: I have been in relationships that were overpowered by the groin, while my head and gut were screaming in agony, saying something wasn’t right. More often than not, I have tried to fool my body parts into accepting bad behavior, coming up with all sorts of excuses as to why to stay.

I’ve also been in relationships where everything looks perfect on paper, but my gut keeps telling me something is wrong or my groin just isn’t reacting and the sexual attraction just isn’t there.

I think that as I’ve grown older, I have begun to keep the balance and listen to what my head, heart, gut and groin are telling me.

I think that anyone who has been single for any length of time has experienced the imbalance. Here is totally hypothetical example:

You meet someone that immediately stimulates your mind. During a short conversation, you recognize the intellectual attraction almost immediately. Next, you really look at him or her, and your groin reacts with a “Hellllllllllllo there!”, so you realize (from your own perspective) that there is some sexual attraction. Even though your heart and/or gut might be questioning what to do in this situation, you listen to your head or your groin.

So if your head wins, you may not pursue anything further with him or her. If your groin wins, you may get some action (if it’s mutual, of course). But what then? If your body parts are imbalanced, maybe nothing.

What if your attraction spreads to your gut and/or your heart? Then you may be more balanced than you think.

Overall, I think the most important thing you can remember is that if you don’t share what you are feeling with these body parts, you may never grasp how their body parts are feeling. And ALWAYS listen to those parts of yourself and make choices that are best for you.

Want to learn more about Sister Dottie? Visit sisterdottie.com